The Black Laser - Latest Comments

Re: Salad: Fucking Your Mouth With A Knife Since The Beginning of Agriculture.

Fuck You — Wed, 09 May 2012 11:16:35 -0000

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA........I actually love a good salad.

Re: “Blake’s Lotaburger in Albuquerque and my Meal from There”

BuckCluster — Tue, 08 May 2012 15:05:11 -0000

From the first shot I though he was on a skateboard. Then I remembered who we are dealing with.

Re: Cubrule2040′s fast food videos

Charles Vestal — Mon, 07 May 2012 18:23:01 -0000

an inspiration

Re: Never say no to Panda.

Joe The Wizard — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 17:56:02 -0000

I agree. Jessica, I am also very excited about my SF ebooks. VERY. EXCITED. You will be Black Lasered when it's all up and running.

Re: Never say no to Panda.

jess — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 17:47:45 -0000

freaking hilarious. ADORE it.

Re: This is the funniest video I’ve seen in a long time.

Charbs — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 17:13:58 -0000

That was amazing.

Re: This is the funniest video I’ve seen in a long time.

MHR — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 14:23:57 -0000

there's a guy that frequents my train who pretends to be blind and plays "Fascinatin' Rhythm" on the melodica

Re: The Young Professionals’ “D.I.S.C.O.”

Joe The Wizard — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 16:44:10 -0000

Oh definitely.

Re: The Young Professionals’ “D.I.S.C.O.”

Caricfrank — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 16:02:54 -0000

They are heavily influenced by Brit pop duo Pet shop boys

Re: A Letter To My Gums Regarding Their Excessive Bloodiness

ghest — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 09:35:12 -0000

gingivitis my friend, it's counterintuitive but they want -more- cleaning, not less.
Floss, interdental brushes and chlorhexedine mouthwash are your friends

Re: No, really, what do you use that iPad for?

Monica — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 14:23:09 -0000

Before I answer, I have give a little bit of history on what type of person this answer is coming from... *flashback squiggles*

...I still used cassette tapes as recently as 2000. VHS tapes as well, that lasted into 2003, when my friends collectively ~~held an intervention~~ gave me a DVR for my birthday.

I owned my first laptop in 1999, but it was an early college graduation gift from my whip-smart grandpa, and I only used it to write papers instead of using it to party like it was, well, that year. I don't know if it even had wi-fi capability... was wi-fi a thing back then?

I had the same low-rent antenna-having clam-shell flip-phone from 2002 to 2010. It wasn't quite the dot matrix printer of cell phones, but it was like prodigy.net, or Logo the turtle. When I finally went into an AT&T store in 2010 to ask about trade-in/upgrade options, the customer service rep not only couldn't find my phone in their database of historical products, he also didn't even understand how this flip-phone worked. (Kids, am I right? Get off my lawn, and stuff.)

So, basically it took me until 2010 to haul my ass into the world of smartphones and gadgets. I bought my current iPhone at that point, and have since basked in the revelation that it was one of the best purchases I have made in my life. It is basically my mini-me, my robot consigliere, my R2-D2.

That being said, I do not have an iPad. I also don't want an iPad. I already spend too much time dicking around on my phone whilst trying to do other things like watch TV, cook, fold laundry, think, spend time with a loved one. I feel like having an iPad would just mean having a 200% version of my phone; I'd still just use it for giggles (but not shits, because I think taking phones in the bathroom is disgusting... why do people do that? Why must I cry?). If I need to type out something lengthy, fill up Zuul (my zune, yes I have a zune) or do any GI Joe PSA "downloadin", I'd use my laptop or desktop.

As for reading, don't get me started. I don't even use a Kindle. I still have paper magazine subscriptions, I still buy all the books I think are worth owning. To me, they're like gems in a jewel collection. I have a thing for the smell and feel of paper, the taut binding of a hardcover, my practically Pavlovian ritual of hugging a book I like when I've finished, or sneering at it if I disliked it.

I think I already have plenty of options to do whatever I need to do online/electronically. But maybe I just don't know any better. As a P.S. to you though, since I hate small screens as well, any *completely legal, totally okay, no problems here, move along* allegedly downloaded files I come across are perfectly viewable on my TV via a few high-capacity thumb drives. Can I say that? Thumb drive? I hope that is a valid name for it, and not something some un-savvy hillwilliam made up.

Re: No, really, what do you use that iPad for?

Charles Vestal — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 20:25:49 -0000

Also while I do read on it a lot, I also read a lot on my 4s (And 4) because the retina screen to me, is more legible than the kindle. Backlit doesnt bother me, but the weird newsprinty e-ink resolution does. That's why I'm excited about the new iPad - there hasn't been something with this resolution in a consumer device, ever.

One time I was reading a paper magazine and I was like "what time is it" and I looked at the top of the page, expecting a status bar. So yeah.

All this being said, I thought the iPad was fucking retarded when it came out. I bought one, I used it for a week, and your brian gets used to it. It' snot a PC, it's not a PC replacement, it's not an iPod, it's not an iPod replacement, it's not a Phone, it's not a Phone replacement. It's something new. It has frustrating things for power users, and obscure things for new users, but it hits a real sweet spot of "just use it". I'll lend you mine for a week if you want it, when I get it.

Re: No, really, what do you use that iPad for?

Charles Vestal — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 20:22:14 -0000

I have traveled and only brought my iPad and had an immensely enjoyable experience. It's less about _what_ you do on it, and more how it fits in your life. Having a device that instantly turns on, has a 10 hour battery life with more than a week in standby and is light and thing enough to throw in your big and not give a shit, means you have a lot of shit at your literal fingertips. I use it to read comics, to browse the web, to use as a remote, to write emails, to use weird app store instruments (yumi:synth is the best string synth i've ever used, bebot is a really intuitive synth/theremin sim), to play games, to read, to read, to read (I don't have a kindle), to read instapaper, to read comics, to read rss, to read the newspaper, to read the newspaper and watch the videos they post, to read comics, etc. etc. etc.

There's a more personal relationship with the content when you hold the page, rather than holding the frame propping up the page like in a laptop. Pulling up an album from iTunes match and playing it, with its album art full screen and airplaying it to my apple TV is the closest analog to playing a physical record I've had. It lets me get closer to media, and closer to experiences. Add to that the fact that its simplicity is its edge, and it's not for everyone, but it is for lots of people.

Re: A Letter From a Friend and My Response

Monica — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 09:26:52 -0000

I’m sorry this reply is late in coming, this seems to be the nature of everything in my life that isn’t work-related lately.

Thank you so much for the advice, ALL good points really. Clearly if I keep kicking around the idea of a blog like a rusty tin can I can’t leave alone, then deep down I must really want to get tetanus… or rather, start a blog. I’ve even already had the classic OOPSIES moment back in the early days of Twitter, so at least that hurdle is behind me, lesson learned.

Just one thing I wanted to note though: you think you’re wasting time or not doing enough, and you mentioned that sitting around for roughly 2 hours makes you feel guilty. With that, you are ALREADY doing more than the average human being, because the typical person mindlessly loses themselves in television for roughly 4-5 hours a day (per the Nielsen Company, so who knows whether that amount is inflated or not). Myself included sometimes; Potential Sky Voyeur knows that after a particularly hard day of handling cancer patients with care, I need to emotionally and mentally disengage for a while. So give yourself some credit, loosen those shoulders, and rest assured that while most people’s creativity is akin to post-nasal drip, your creativity flows fast and free like the river of slime under New York in Ghostbusters II. That’s inspiring to others, at the very least.

With all that being said, thank you again for both the advice and supporting words. I’m going to put a blog in beta testing just to see if I can even keep it going. Sure, I’m verbose and always have plenty to say when I either like or dislike something, but if I find myself annoyed at constantly putting those thoughts into ~~written~~ typed words, then I’ll know I just like to overshare.

P.S. Ooooh, I get my own tag!

Re: A Brief Review of Kelly Link’s Stranger Things Happen

Sgt McGarnickle AKA Skidmark — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 13:04:09 -0000

So......I downloaded this book just based on the fact that you wrote about it twice in such a short period of time. I have only read the first story so far (in between takes at the studio) and holy shitballs is it amazing! I cant even begin to describe the awesome visuals the first story created in my head. This woman paints pictures with her words. Bravo Kelly! and thank you Space Pope for opening my eyes to her amazing work. I already went out and bought 2 more books of her short stories. Super excited!

Re: A Letter to Buffalo Wings Regarding Their Deliciousness

M Dinger — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 19:44:35 -0000

There is a sauce called "feel alive after death" sauce, and another called "endorphin rush" that got me sweaty-wasted-crying-flapping-laughing-wiping once. It was the same as mushrooms, but way more hilarious to bystanders and taco store sales girls.

Re: Bligg’s “Manhattan”

Joe The Wizard — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 11:10:26 -0000

Also, Celtic Frost fucking slays.

Re: Bligg’s “Manhattan”

Joe The Wizard — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 11:10:03 -0000

Why do I have to be Swiss to bitch about your music? I bitch about shitty music from all over the place, whether it is Swiss, German, American, Canadian, Spanish, Luxembourgish, Albanian, Russian, Chinese, Korean, Mexican, or where ever the hell it comes from. Sure, I am an American, but that doesn't mean I don't recognize shit when I see it. So, yeah, I missed the pun. That's too bad. Nevertheless, if they were using the pun as you say, then it's even more appropriate to use shots of Manhattan. It's visual irony, GET IT?

Additionally, I already recognized that it's a miniature version of himself, if you'd read the post. I understand why they are wearing the same thing; I just think it's fucking stupid.

Please, if you'd like to educate me, recommend some other Swiss bands so that I might have a wider variety of shitty Swiss pop music to bash here on The Black Laser. I am always on the lookout for things both terrible and wonderful. And who knows? Perhaps you'll surprise me with something I actually care for. That's what makes the universe so special: you never know what is waiting around the corner.

Until then, I will praise and bitch about any music I like since music, like love, transcends language, nationality, and creed. Or, if you, Asus, can tell me you've never once complained about music from another country because you're not from there (Oh my god, do you LOVE Katy Perry or Aqua or Alexandra Stan?), then I will go ahead and just shut up and never say another word. But that's going to be quite unlikely.

Thanks for visiting The Black Laser!

Re: Ortega + Olympic Gymnasts, a Match Made in Advertising HELL

Joe The Wizard — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 11:02:08 -0000

No shit, guy. That doesn't mean I can't wonder why the fuck Ortega not only thought this was a good idea, but actually spent money on this steaming pile of crap. Also, I am not sure what you're talking about in the upper right hand corner. I don't see anything except a giant Comic Sans sign on the wall. Which is terrible, I might add.

Re: Bligg’s “Manhattan”

Asus — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 07:36:55 -0000

Dude... First of all, if you're not Swiss, then don't bitch about our music. Secondly, the title "Manhattan" is a pun in Swiss-German. It means "you've got it" which translates to Swiss-German as "man het en". That's why you don't see a single shot of the city itself, because the song has nothing to do with it.
Additionally, the little guy in the vid is called Jan and according to Bligg he represents his younger self, thus the same outfit and styling.
So stop bitching about our music if you haven't done enough research.

Greets from Zurich

Re: Ortega + Olympic Gymnasts, a Match Made in Advertising HELL

Max — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 06:09:15 -0000

I think you missed out why this is called the worst advert ever, look in the top right hand corner near the end.

Re: Zombie Ass trailer

J Zizzle — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:21:08 -0000

Zombie Asseru!

Re: Merry Christmas, everyone!

Jess — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 10:14:28 -0000

Charming. The Rubarb looking thing was kinda creepy, the skulls were kinda cute!

Re: This is the single most adorable comment I’ve ever received.

Shitbag Extraordinaire — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 19:42:38 -0000

"......Hey bro, can you take a picture of me with a hammer in my hand, like Im gonna hit you? No, no, no.... dont worry bro, I wont actually hit you..........unless you dont categorize Death Metal properly.......Oh wait, your my hand.......Shit..........I need some more friends......."

Im assuming the photo shoot went something like that....

On a side note I really am inspired by his will and drive to better himself as a human being. Kudos.

-Shitbag Extraordinaire

Re: The Onion – Pop Star’s Single, ‘Booty Wave’, Most Likely Civilization’s Downfall

Joe The Wizard — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 21:22:25 -0000

Indeed. It might be the worst thing ever, or as someone much wiser than I said, it is a "vile stain on the collective artistic consciousness of the human race."